Throughout most of the year, I harbor a mild disdain for Congress and the bureaucracy for which it stands. However, every spring that mild disdain turns to utter disgust. As an arch-conservative, I am generally opposed to revolutionary tendencies, but in March I get the urge to grab a musket and declare my independence from tyranny. To paraphrase our founding document:
When in the Course of the calendar year, it becomes necessary for Collin Garbarino to dissolve the political bands which have connected him with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle him, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that he should declare the causes which impel him to the separation.
What Intolerable Acts could impel me to revolt? Daylight Saving Time. According to the Founders, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” How on earth can I pursue happiness when Congress tells me to set my clock forward an hour?
Few things can wreck an individual’s happiness as much as the loss of a good night’s sleep. And every year, our government, who pretends to guard our “Safety and Happiness,” conspires to destroy our blessed repose.
What’s the benefit? Supposedly we save money on energy costs, which isn’t true. But even if it were, this government coercion to get us out of bed an hour earlier is not the answer. Let the freedom ring throughout the land! Let men, with a good conscience, set their own alarm clocks earlier, without government invading their bedrooms!
Daylight Saving Time is merely one more way in which the federal government attempts to micromanage the American people. Once upon a time, Americans proudly called themselves citizens, throwing off the label of “subjects of the king.” But now, we are not even subjects, we are slaves. The tyrannical bureaucracy tells us how to raise our kids, it tells us how to manage our healthcare, and it tells us how to plan for retirement. And every March it tells us to get up an hour earlier. Like drones, we do exactly as we’re told.
Some of you will think that I have lost my sense of proportion. But it’s not just about the clock. Daylight Saving Time is a yearly reminder that our government has lost its sense of proportion. Instead of securing our rights, it’s now concerned with mandating “what’s best for us” in violation of those rights. The bureaucrats of the nanny state know what time you need to get up. It’s good for you. It’s good for America. Trust them. They’re the government; they’re here to help.
Are you with me?