Warner Brothers just released its first trailer for the second The Hobbit movie. I think this trailer gives us some important information about the movie. At the 50 second mark, Radagast shouts at Gandalf, “What if it’s a trap?” Gandalf replies, “It’s undoubtedly a trap.” Yeah, this movie’s definitely going to be a trap. It’ll have all the trappings of an adventure movie, but Peter Jackson will have destroyed the story and left us with bloated ridiculousness.
I think this movie’s going to be a groaner. Here are my impressions from the trailer.
1. Why on earth aren’t the dwarves sealed in their barrels? I suppose Jackson is trying to make their escape more exciting. He’s also made it stupid. Dwarves in unsealed barrels in a river like that would just sink and drown. They wouldn’t bob along. Just because it’s Middle Earth doesn’t mean that you get to throw away the laws that govern the universe.
2. Legolas! I suppose a cameo might have been cool, but for heavens sake did Jackson have to write dialogue for him? And who is this wise elf-lass played by Evangeline Lilly? IMDb lists her as Tauriel. Here and now I make a solemn vow not to care about this Jacksonian addition. May she be carried off by goblins.
3. It looks like we’ll have to endure more chase scenes over silly fantastically long and complicated bridges. Dear Peter, you’ve done that before. You can stop now.
4. At least Peter Jackson gives equal opportunity. The trailer seems to indicate that every main character will get the chance to attack an enemy by dropping down on him from an extreme height. Seeing that happen over and over again is going to be so awesome.
Sure, I’m going to go see this second installment, but like Gandalf I’m going in with my sword drawn. I won’t be caught off guard by the gold-greedy dragon that Peter Jackson has become.