Ignore the Haters. It’s Time for a New Mary Poppins Movie!

Disney announced their plans for a new Mary Poppins film, and of course social-media feeds everywhere filled with complaints about Hollywood being out of ideas.

Another Reboot? Another sequel? Can’t we get something new?

I suspect that most of those whiners don’t actually go see movies in the theater. Or if they do, they slap their money down to see Fast and Furious 7.

You know what I’m sick of? It isn’t sequels. I’m sick of pretentious people acting like they’re too good to enjoy a sequel. Besides, sequels and reboots are awesome.

Let’s look at some famous non-original content that’s stood the test of time.

1. Aeschylus, the fifth-century BC Athenian playwright, pretty much invented drama. Guess what? Six out of his seven surviving plays were based on non-original content. The one play that was original—based on a true story. So it wasn’t really original either. Every year the Athenians watched the same old stories rebooted and retold. AND THEY LIKED IT. Get over yourself, poser.

2. Virgil, in the first-century BC, rebooted Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey for his generation of Romans. And guess what? His Aeneid is awesome. Is it as good as the original? Maybe not, but stop being such a hater.

3. Dante, in the 1300s, ripped off Virgil and just about every other storyteller he ever came across. He was totally worse than the Wachowskis. And that’s why Twitter condemns him as a lazy creator of derivative stories. Oh wait, they don’t because he’d throw them into the eighth circle of hell if they did.

4. Shakespeare. That old fraud hardly ever had an original idea. He stole his plots from history and literature because he must have been too busy making money to be creative. You wannabe hipsters probably consider him too mainstream. He’d just bite his thumb at you.

Most of us actually like sequels and reboots. There’s something satisfying about experiencing a new perspective on a familiar story, and sometimes the reboots and sequels surpass the originals in awesomeness. Hats off to Mission: Impossible—Rogue Nation.

I personally hope this new perspective on Mary Poppins doesn’t include an interminable dance number in which people keep yelling, “Step in time!” That would automatically make the reboot more awesome than the original.

So go ahead and cry about sequels and reboots. Shake your head and dismiss Hollywood as being out of fresh ideas. It just shows that you’re out of step with the entire history of humanity past and present. While you shake your head, the rest of us will be queuing up for Mary Poppins vs. Iron Man.

Oh, and by the way. Your complaints about reboots and sequels are more predictable than the reboots themselves. Can’t you come up with anything original to say?